Love and fear most be the two most controlling of our emotions.
I have traveled all over the world chasing love. I’ve trembled in my boots in mortal fear. Deep lose must be up there too, but other than the lose of a lover, I have not had a profound lose to death. My father has past and I do feel is absence, but it’s not the same. It was his time and I am proud of him and the good life he lived.
I have never been with a dying person at the time of their death. When my father died I was away in France. The family did not tell me how close it was. I guess they did not want to spoil my vacation.
My mother has witnessed death many times. She seems to be good at it, however I’m not even sure what that means?
I remember her telling me about Granny’s death. I was home about a week before she died and got to say good bye.
Granny is what I called my mother’s mother, my grandmother. She was a gentle heart, always loving and sweet. My fondest memories of Granny are of being in her lap and listening to nursery rhymes.
Hickory dickery dock, the mouse ran up the clock. The clock struck twelve…
There were three little kittens. They lost their mittens…
What my mother told me about granny’s death is still strongly ingrained in my consciousness. It’s sad that these had to be her final thoughts. It seems she was ready to die for quite a while. She deeply believed in God and was ready to, as they say, meet her maker. It must be hard at the end, once you are resigned to death, and death does not come. Morning after morning you wake.
After a while I think this got the better of my Granny…she would cry and say, “What have I done wrong? Why won’t God take me?” To have those kind of doubts at the end…how sad; how unfair to a gentle soul, who deserved more.
Granny made my mother and my mother made me; and for this wonderful chain of begetting, I am truly greatful. How fortunate I am…this is my thanksgiving.
